Patrick Stewart, an icon has passed away

This morning as I was writing in my journal about Patrick Stewart's passing, I began reflecting on various parts of the articles I was reading about his life.  He didn't really make it in acting until his titular role as the Captain of the U.S.S. Enterprise on Star Trek: The Next Generation.  When he had this chance in life, while it didn't match his background in acting, or where he was dreaming of going, he took that chance, at the age of 47.

I'm not even 47 yet, only shy by about 4 years, and here I am bitching and complaining about how my life isn't going absolutely anywhere, and that I've been unemployed from my career path for 2 years.  Perhaps I am expecting or demanding too much from society, as it's just not my time to shine yet in this world.  I did have a brief moment of success in my life during my formidable years working at PaySafe.  I know I can be successful, and so did Patrick Stewart.  He did take on various smaller roles before his life changing role on Star Trek.  Perhaps I am just not being patient enough in life.  I am trying to rush to the finish line, without actually trying to experience life itself.

At times I do wonder if I place too much self-doubt onto myself about my capabilities.  Sure, it's difficult to get say into video game development, but I never actually put in the proper effort to try, then I'm just failing before I even start.  It just becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy of self-doubt if effort is never truly put in.  AI is definitely full of flattery, perhaps too much so.  A recent chat I had with AI about game development, while not mentioning any other games, and only discussing my own story and how my game's hook will work to keep players playing, it flattered me with things like, my game is using similar hooks to that of masterpieces like Chrono Trigger.  This is where I actually began to wonder if all this praise from  AI was just empty and hallow, it is extremely difficult, if not impossible to create any title that could match that game, let alone some of the other games which the AI was mentioning.  It felt a bit too much, and so this is probably where my self-doubt in game development came in.  My goal in developing any game isn't to be a so-called masterpiece, or become a best seller, it is just to create something fun for people to experience and play, and that they can come from the experience with a new perspective.  I know my limits when it comes to anything, I know what I am capable of, and I know what is impossible for me, and I live within those limits.  I cannot create amazing pixel art, or music.  My strength usually lies with the storytelling, and map design.  I hate the idea of having to use stock art and music, which also acts like a bit of a deterrence to move forward as well.

I tend to stick with skills that I know I am already good at, and that main skill I have is in Linux.  I can usually answer any Linux question given to me, and troubleshoot most problems without needing to look much up.  A Linux system provides everything you usually need right there.  In the event that I don't know, or need some assistance, I usually know where to look quickly to find the solution.  This is my superpower.

Where to now in life?  Well, considering that not everyone that becomes successful in life is by any means super successful early on, this is a bit inspiring for me.  I have read about other successful people in life who don't find their place until much later either, so Patrick Stewart isn't alone here.  I think it's best that I focus on what I know I can do, and try to remove my own self-doubt from my mind, and know that now isn't my time in the world to shine.

A few things that I know I can do besides Linux, is of course writing, and journalism was actually what I believe I wanted to do when I grew up before I even got into computer programming.  Before meeting a man named Al Rayside, who was a past computer programmer turn social worker, I had an interest in journalism at a young age, using the foster family's Print Shop Pro software to print a household Newsletter of sorts.  Writing has always been in my blood, even before my passion for computer science came in, and so I will be continuing to write more articles on my blog here, and hopefully expanding into different non-technical topics as well, for readers such as my mother whom don't understand much of the technical jargon I might write.  I want to start writing more articles for everyday people, and not just focused on the technical community.

I also think that I will try to continue working on my game development skills, and not care so much about using stock pixel art, as I can occasionally draw the custom sprite for the scenes that need something special in them.  I have also been dabbling in music composition recently as well, and in my next game demo release, these custom created music tracks will be in full feature.  They take inspiration from old school video games, but definitely have their own very unique sound and overall presentation.  I need to push forward and remove my self-doubt.  What is Patrick Steward had self-doubt about being a Starfleet Captain on Star Trek?  Where would his life have taken him?  Patrick Steward took a chance with destiny, and removed any self-doubt it may have had, and pushed forward to boldly go where no man has gone before.